i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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