If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
