So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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