Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
