Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
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