He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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