i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
