I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
