return my video game
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
