drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
