I like my sex mixed with concussions.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
