He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
