i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
