I wanna bring you to show and tell
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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