I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
