Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I CAN MOONWALK!
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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