how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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