You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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