When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
