the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize