You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
