this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize