I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
