well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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