i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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