His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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