I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
