Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
