You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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