is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
