We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
