I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
