She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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