She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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