Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
