hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
