is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
My ATM looks so different sober.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Vodka?
Forever.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
