I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
