butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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