Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
