Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
lol hangovers are for mortals.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
