you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
