I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
