do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i love accidental penises.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
