I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
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