don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
