When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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