so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
last night I used snow as a chaser
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
