It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
