We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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