final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
It's blow job season.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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