I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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