i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
