fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
being pregnant is like rehab
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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