I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
