need another drink. this is the easiest way
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Randomize
