My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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