You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
