he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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