They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize