I can't breathe out the right side of my face
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Randomize
