Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
