My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
should my penis look like a turkey
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
