No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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