I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
