Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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