well I can't set my house on fire every night
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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