RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
