took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
