You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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