went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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