she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
